


The Day Oin Lost His Hearing Horn

by Dream_Seeker



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Gen, Humor, crackfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-29
Updated: 2013-06-29
Packaged: 2017-12-16 12:56:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/862265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dream_Seeker/pseuds/Dream_Seeker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Oin lost his hearing horn on the worst day possible.<br/>Thorin and the rest didn't let him live his mistake down for a good long while.<br/>Bilbo is horrified. </p><p>squinting hint of Thilbo if you read hard between later lines.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Day Oin Lost His Hearing Horn

Thorin and his Company were settled in at Bilbo's Hobbit Hole and were about to start the discussion of the quest. Everyone was full after eating well - and clearing out Bilbo's pantry to the Hobbit's chagrin - and were all eager to talk about what was to come.

The conversation was going well until Oin suddenly yelled louder than necessary, "WHAT?" 

Gloin rolled his eyes. "Oin, your hearing horn could come in handy, you know." 

"WHAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU." Oin bellowed. 

"YOUR HEARING HORN. USE IT." Gloin bellowed in return, to which Oin shook his head.

"I SEEM TO HAVE LOST IT. BY THE WAY, WHO IS THIS LITTLE MAN?" He gestured to Bilbo.

"Bilbo Baggins. It is... nice to meet you." Bilbo said.

"SPEAK UP. I CAN'T HEAR YOU." 

"BILBO BAGGINS." Bilbo raised his voice and Oin nodded. 

"PLEASURE TO MEET YOU, DILDO SAGGINS." 

Silence filled the room.

Bilbo went beet red. "Now wait, it is Bilbo. _Bilbo_. Not.... that other...word.." 

"DILDO, THIS IS A NICE HOUSE. THANK YOU FOR YOUR HOSPITALITY WITH YOUR FOOD." Oin, ever the polite Dwarf, yelled at the Hobbit.

" _BILBO_!'' Bilbo yelled rather loudly.  
  
"THAT'S WHAT I _SAID_. DILDO. I CAN HEAR JUST FINE." 

Kili and Fili were laughing hysterically by this time, making Bilbo angrier, though a calming look from Gandalf soothed the Hobbit just a little.

That was until the rest of the Company started to call him "Dildo" as well.

"YOU ARE ALL JUST.... JUST... INSUFFERABLE!" Bilbo roared as he rose, knocking over his chair in the process and stormed from the room, shouting over his shoulder, 'I'M GOING NO WHERE WITH YOU."

Silence again filled the room, as 13 chastised Dwarves just looked from one to the other, avoiding Gandalf, knowing he'd be pretty upset.

The Wizard softly said as he rose, "Do not worry. I'll talk sense into him. He won't hold Oin's hearing problem against him." 

As Gandalf left the room, Thorin said under his breath, "I refuse to pay a cent to him. If the Dildo won't work, it's just useless." 

A snort was heard from Gandalf and it set the entire room into hysterics again. 

 

Oin eventually found his hearing horn and apologized profusely for getting the Hobbit's name wrong. 

Bilbo eventually forgave Oin.

He never forgave Thorin when the King would sometimes affectionately refer to him as "Dildo" after Erebor was retaken.

Okay, maybe he forgave Thorin just a _little_.  The King always would make up for it in great ways, after all.

 

 


End file.
